Thursday, January 2, 2025

My Music Journal 2025 - January 2, 2025

 


Approximately 9 AM.
Song: Sadness As A Gift
Artist: Adrianne Lenker
Mode of consumption: Spotify playlist for 2024

Song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/1UpXhetX1s5OXTY5fRjWvu?si=16200879d5cf4e10

First day of work of the New Year. Come in, change the calendar on the door, the one where I mark each day off with a blue X as they pass. Marking time. I’ve done the same thing since late 2015.

I fill in dates for work conferences on the calendar. One in Springfield in February. One in Ames in March. A trivia night on January 23. Most of them remain blank. The 2024 calendar with its bevy of notes and “Xs” is waded into the garbage can under my desk.

As I navigate through emails, I listen to a playlist of songs released in 2024 that I curated over the year. A Facebook group I started called “Playlist Pandemonium” is compiling songs this week for favorite tunes from 2024. I needed to get my choices in.

The fifty-seventh and final song on the list is “Sadness As A Gift,” by Adrianne Lenker. I didn’t remember adding this song, and I do not know anything about the artist, but the title catches my attention.

Our 2024 began with us stinging from the death of Jodi’s father, Lee, in late November. When I met with a friend early in 2024, I described our existence as “putting one foot in front of another living.”

Sadness is a sapping emotion, absorbing motivation, inspiration, hope, draining the colors of life sometimes for a second, others a minute, maybe an hour here, or an afternoon there. Who could forget the entire black-and-white dreary February days?

A few days before Christmas, one of our horses, a 26-year-old quarter horse named C.J. with brown fur, and a light-brown mane and tail, laid down in our back shed. Did you know horses are on their feet about 23 hours a day?  They lock their legs while standing and do most of their sleeping that way. They usually only spend a few minutes on the ground at a time.
C.J. had battled several nagging health issues, including issues with her back legs. We found her about 11 AM and worked for three hours trying to coax her back to her feet, but to no avail. The vet was called, and the decision was made. The horse lifted its head toward me, her eyes met mine and her mouth formed a goofy, toothy grin, the sort of look that seemed to hide a good joke.

It’s hard to consider sadness a gift.

But that look from that horse was a gift. As heartbreaking as it was, it made me smile. And that’s the gift. Sadness drains everything out, but when joy and beauty and hope reappear, they flood back all the richer, saturating our cells thoroughly, just like when we were kids, and every feeling was new.


My Music Journal 2025 - January 1, 2025

 


For 2025, I will be journaling a song a day that I hear. The plan is to not plan on what these songs will be, just tunes I encounter through living that provoke some sort of thought, emotion, whatever to make it worth noting.

Wednesday, January 1, 2025 – Approximately 6 p.m.

https://open.spotify.com/track/43G3McVkRa8V7oGQzfQuRr?si=a73f343a120d46e7

Song: Let’s Go
Artist: The Cars
Mode of consumption: Vinyl LP first song on album Candy-O

Jodi sits down to our dining room table as this song hits its chorus, “I like the nightlife, baby. She says.”

I joke that Jodi resembles this song.

“Oh yeah, I’m all about the nightlife.”

We’ve been married since 2008, we’re in our forties, and we’ve known each other since the beginning of time. At least since the beginning of time as far as two children of the 80s are concerned. We’ve probably had similar conversations concerning lyrics from a hundred other songs over the years. We’re not “nightlife” people. Me, not since leaving the newspaper industry over nine years earlier, and her, never.

The album cover features an orange-haired woman in a translucent black leotard and black high heels sprawled across the hood of a line-art image of a car. It’s provocative, and among album art and popular music enthusiasts, considered iconic.

The album comes from a lot I bought in the summer of 2024. We are screening albums regularly to decide what to keep and what to resell. We have a couple other Cars albums, and while this one is solid, our decision comes down to whether we like the album art enough to make it a keeper. I don’t know if that makes us snobbish or shallow, but I have somewhere around 500 albums in my current collection and storage space is a plausible concern.

“Maybe this will be the album that’s worth a million,” Jodi says later.

“It might get to the point where they all add up to the million,” I answer, putting the album in the for-sale pile.

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Write On Prompt - We Don't Start Until 9

 




Note: We've been studying and discussing personal essays the last couple months at Write On. Last night we had our first Writing Workout session, where we each spent some time on first drafts of essays. I have always wanted to do an essay or maybe even a book on the different work environments I've experienced. I want to ground these experiences in the history of the business or industry, as way to expand the relevance. This is a start of a segmented essay about my time spent at a local factory. 


Illinois Route 2 runs north to south hugging the Rock River in central northern Illinois from its origin in Sterling then running northeast to Dixon and Oregon and Byron to Rockford before shooting straight north to the Wisconsin border. Between Sterling and Dixon is a four-lane, 12-mile stretch, featuring a golf course, crop land, a community college, a trailer park, and a smattering of houses and subdivisions. I meet this stretch each morning just south of Dixon at the crest of hill where the speed limit descends from 65 to 40 and finally 30 within city limits.

One morning recently, while on the way to my current gig in my orange Jeep Renegade with some rock and roll song blaring, the mangled remains of a deer appeared in the median, likely struck the previous night by some vehicle still cruising near the high end of the speed limits. There were probably excited calls made by the driver, to family, maybe to the police, or a wrecker, to their insurance agent. Maybe the car was drivable. Maybe not. Life for that person was temporarily complicated.

Life for that deer was smacked from its body. Its limbs were strewn like the discarded toys of some toddler atop a torso twisted like a broken slinky. Its blood splattered, turning the blacktop into some sort of bleak tapestry.

And I thought of two deer from almost twenty years earlier. A doe and her fawn, wandering across the back of the parking lot at National Manufacturing at one in the morning. Their sleek bodies propped on those twig legs. The mother leading, her head swiveling back every few moments to make sure her offspring was following close enough.

I was on break – from college for the summer and from work as part of the third shift replenishing crew for the shipping department of the hardware manufacturer. There were five or six of us on the crew, including my best friend, Jake. We were sitting on the tailgates of our pickup trucks, like a country song, eating snacks and maybe mumbling about things that no longer matter.

I was nineteen, filled with angst and hormones and caffeine, watching the most basic of instincts enacted across the lot. Animals moving under the orange glare of parking lot lights, when most humans were asleep. Searching for food, for water, for shelter. A mother watching over her child. A child tethered to its parent, grasping tightly while reaching away. I don’t remember anything else that was running between my ears. I just knew I’d remember that moment. A man at rest watching the natural movements of nature.

After passing the destroyed body of the deer twenty years later, I wondered if that animal was a descendant of those two. It’s not even 10 miles as the crow flies from National parking lot along Route 30 east of Rock Falls to that place on Route 2 south of Dixon. Certainly, deer herds travel that far, and they are territorial enough, that it’s possible that the deer which met such a violent end shared a strand or two of DNA with the two from that serene memory of mine.

It’s a twenty-plus year gap between these episodes of creation and destruction. Twenty years and half of a lifetime.

***

National Manufacturing was born in October of 1901, when three men bought a two-story wagon factory in Sterling. By the end of the month they had named their business, one that would remain in the area known as the Sauk Valley for 110 years.

In 1901, the United States was comprised of about 76 million people, and the world’s population was 1.6 billion. The country was reeling from the assassination of President William McKinley in September. He was the third president killed in office since the end of the Civil War, and with his death, the secret service was born and Teddy Roosevelt assumed power.

Workers across the country were fighting for better pay. Women wanted to vote. And nobody knew that in the forty years to follow there would be two world wars sandwiched around a crippling economic depression.

***

I wasn’t even a week out of high school when I shuffled bleary-eyed at 6 AM for my first shift as part of the 100th anniversary paint crew in the Summer of 2000. I likely wore jeans, some T-shirt, and a pair of steel-toed work boots.

Jake’s mom worked in the accounting department at National, and that’s how we landed the gig, which paid pretty well for a couple of eighteen-year-old kids. Never hurts to know someone. It’s probably why we were also assigned together to paint the waste treatment tanks first at the Sterling plant and then the Rock Falls plant. Sterling and Rock Falls are twin cities separated by the Rock River and during the 1900s became one of the major steel producers in the country. That’s over now, of course, gone the way of two-story wagon factories, thriving family-owned businesses, and William McKinley.

The waste treatment plant in Sterling was separated from the production plant by a row of parking and a lane to get in and out. The treatment plant was located along a river.

We clocked in just inside the production plant and met our first supervisor there. His name was Chris, a middle-aged man who carried a Chicago Tribune under his arm and a frown on his face. He led us toward the treatment plant, stopping at a bench just outside of the building where two men were sitting. The interaction was brief, and I can’t picture what either man looked like, but I remember what happened.

One man stood up, dangling something from his hand. A snack maybe. Or perhaps a cigarette, and he introduced the man next to him in this way.

“This is the resident fag,” he said. Then he threw whatever was in his hand several feet away, and told the man to go get it. The other man did, his shoulders slumped as he slinked toward it like a trained dog. “Just look at him.”

Chris rolled his eyes, and we kept moving.

The waste treatment building was a metal shed with huge green tanks with metal stairs and cat walks running between them. Chris continued past them, between two tanks on the ground level that led to his office, which consisted of a desk with a light and a window that looked over the river. He dropped into his seat, handing each of us a section of the newspaper.

“We don’t do anything out here until after 9.”

Within ten minutes, we witnessed pretty much everything we were told not to do by Human Resources at our orientation.

 


 


Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Write On Prompt: The Old Church Piano

 


Note: Last night at Write On, we read a story from the point of view of a scarecrow. After our discussion, we had free writing time where we each accepted the challenge of writing from the perspective of something not human. This is pretty rough, but an interesting idea.

 

 My creator was named Frederick. He had thick, stubby fingers, a mustache and soft brown eyes I think were carved from the same tree as much of my body.

He pieced me together with glue and finishing nails, gently placed my soundboard, tightened the strings, and aligned the ivory keys. He hummed while he worked, the sort of German hymns preferred by Martin Luther, using his voice to tune my heart. I loved him so.

I suppose he was my father and mother, things I wouldn't have understood at the time. He was my creator, and I was just his creation.

I remember little else about him.

***

I was loaded on a truck, cast away from creator after all my keys were place, all my strings tuned, all the little felt hammers ready to strike so that I could sing.

Wrapped in bedding and towels and a huge tarp, every bump hurt me, altered me.

It was dark for a long time.

***

Then there was a ship and water, and there were rats on the boat. One lived briefly under my feet. It's tiny heartbeat reverberating in the grains of wood of my body.

If I could play myself, such a tune would that have inspired.

***

Back on a truck. More hurting.

***

Home became a small room off a Lutheran sanctuary in some little town in Illinois. The floors were cold, the ceilings high, and occasionally a little mouse would tap across my keys at night.

Ms. Joy Parnuckle played me then. Her arthritic fingers unevenly pressing my keys, the hammers falling at imprecise times, my tune garbled, yet the children sang along. There round faces beaming at Ms. Parnuckle, mouths open, tongues clicking, their voices fluttering about the pitch and tone intended.

It wasn't the best playing of my life, but it was joyful.

***

Sometimes young Howard Edgecliffe would sneak into my home. Sit at the bench before me and something exhilarating followed. His long fingers with soft pads would glide across me, knowing just where and when to strike.

Oh, the sound. He played without music, sometimes I think he played without knowing what song would come out. Music flowed through him like sun rays through a stained-glass window, casting brilliant shades of color in every direction.

I wanted to tell him about the mouse on the ship because I knew he would understand. I knew he would play the sound of life in that little heartbeat.

***

Howard grew older, moved away for a time, and when he returned, he was changed. A scar ruined one side of his face, and his hands. Oh, his hands. They shook violently, so much so, that my strings vibrated when he came near.

But he never played me again. Never even touched me.

***

Ms. Parnuckle gave way to Helen Lampkin, a nervous young girl, who played adequately but with no real emotion. Even so, she gave lessons twice a week to unruly children, who pounded my keys and would carve their initials into my body whenever she left the room.

Those carvings still burn. They almost burn as much as losing Howard.

***

Helen Lampkin was there a long time, growing from a nervous young girl to a strained woman with a burly husband and half-witted children. Fewer children took lessons. Fewer children came to the church on Sundays.

***

After Helen, there was a procession of young mothers. None of them played. Instead, they set a plastic tape player atop me, pushed a button, and mechanical hymns sounded out. The children's voices repeated, their voices sounding like machines, too.

My strings sagged, my keys yellowed, and a chill settled in my body.

***

No one comes in my little room anymore. My keys are covered. My body is chipped and dried. There’s ancient bubblegum decaying on my backside. The old men snicker about firewood when they see me.

I wonder what my creator would think if he saw me now.

Friday, August 23, 2024

Collins Writing Conference: Poem - That Baby Crying...

 


Note: This is another poem that I generated during Collins Writing Conference poetry workshop. The prompt was to write a five-line poem where each line could be a separate poem. The five lines also should represent the world, or your world, or both. So, of course, I included a musical reference. The rest was just stuff that came off the top of my head. 

This is what I wrote in class. 

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the tree heard its friend fall.
When was the last time I did something for the first time?
Paul Simon sang about the moon rising over an empty field.
It is quiet here.

Since then, I have added three more stanzas found below. 

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the wind has no answers.
When was the first time I did something for the last time?
Neil Young sang give me things that don’t get lost.
It is loud here.

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the sun doesn’t care to rise.
How many more times will I have to do this?
James Taylor sang about sunny days that he thought would never end. 
It is hot here.

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the bird sings for no one.
How much time do I have left?
Bob Dylan sang behind every beautiful thing there’s some kind of pain.
It is cold here.


Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Collins Writing Conference: Short Fiction - Scope of Work

 Note: The short fiction workshop at the Collins Writing Conference was focused on stories that pretend to be other things. This is where the writer utilizes some sort of format like a list or calendar or a How-To Guide to tell a story. We studied examples of this and then prepared one of our own to be workshopped. My story is told using the scope-of-work format I use in my day job as a proposal writer. Basically, this is the outline we create stating what we are going to do on a job. Instead of writing a proposal for surveying or engineering job, this is a scope of work for a first date. I think it almost turned into a choose your own adventure type of story. The formatting what a bit of a challenge in the blog text box, so hopefully you get the idea. 


Scope of Work

Project name: Anderson-Lamb First Date                          Date: June 28, 2024

Project Number: 24002                                                       Revised Date:

Project Description: Mr. Anderson and Ms. Lamb agree to an evening that includes moderately priced cuisine and beverages, a mutually agreed upon public activity, and a concluding moment that may include one or all of the following: ice cream, walking next to a body of water, and/or limited consensual physical contact in a well-lit exterior location within earshot of other humans.

Project Location: Downtown Jordan, within walking distance of the community theater, bowling alley, and three dining locations meeting the couples’ economic requirements.

Project Limits: One evening, an evening consisting of the time between 7 P.M. and midnight. Any activities beyond that will require additional scope and budget.


Proposal Assumptions

  1. Attire is assumed to be casual, although, Mr. Anderson will insist on tucking in his shirt and wearing dark socks with his sandals, and Ms. Lamb will spend more money on a summer dress that she’ll never wear again than Mr. Anderson will on the meal.
  2. Mr. Anderson will arrive at Ms. Lamb’s apartment at 7 PM, and they will walk three blocks to the downtown area.
  3. Mr. Anderson will buy a single carnation at the local grocer and not formally give it to Ms. Lamb until it’s too late for her leave it at her place, forcing her to carry it the entire night.
  4. Mr. Anderson will say nothing remotely funny, but Ms. Lamb will laugh thirty-two times.
  5. Ms. Lamb will go into great detail on her Schnauzer’s inflamed anal glands.
  6. Mr. Anderson will return Ms. Lamb to her apartment door.

Proposed Tasks

  1. Greeting
    1. “Hello” is customary.
    2. Mr. Anderson will say “How’s it going?”
    3. Ms. Lamb won’t actually answer, but murmur “Cool” and then giggle for an awkward period of time. 
  2. Dinner
    1. Options:
      1. Mama’s Pizzeria – third-generation family-owned restaurant known for greasy pizza and a broken ice machine.
      2. Salamanders – authentic Mexican cuisine with the average dining experience of 17 minutes.
      3. Duffy’s Bar & Grill – there’s no gum on your shoe, but still, it sticks to the floor.
      4. Mr. Anderson will order a gigantic-portioned entrée which he will eat entirely thinking it will impress Ms. Lamb.
      5. Ms. Lamb will spill a dark-colored salad dressing, enchilada red sauce or ketchup down the front of her dress that she’ll always see no matter the stain-fighting precautions she takes.
  3. Post-Dinner Activity
    1. Options:
      1. Lucky Strikes Bowling Alley – half the lanes will be occupied by the Friday night’s lady bowling league.
        1. The ball will stick on Mr. Anderson’s thumb on his first throw, causing the blue orb to glide majestically through the air and thud dramatically on the oiled lane. All the ladies in the league will stop and frown at him.
        2. Ms. Lamb carries a 230 average and will beat Mr. Anderson’s score by at least a hundred pins. She’ll be asked to join three teams before they leave.
      2. The Bard’s Barn – local community theater currently performing their modern take on Hamlet set on a rural Nebraska farm. Rather than concluding with the death of the main character and many others, it ends with Hamlet and Ophelia winning a square-dancing competition.
      3. Forgo the above for walking the town square since it’s such a nice evening
        1. The town square takes approximately 12 minutes to walk. Mr. Anderson and Ms. Lamb will traverse the distance 23 times.
        2. The sensitive skin of Mr. Anderson’s heels will blister in four places. 
  4. Concluding Moment
    1. Options:
      1. Ice Cream at the Dairy Mart.
        1. Mr. Anderson orders a banana split that he offers to share.
        2. Ms. Lamb doesn’t like bananas.
      2. Walking next to a body of water
        1. The nearest body of water is the ravine that runs along sixth street. It smells like rotting fish despite the absence of marine life.
      3. Consensual physical contact in exterior location within earshot of other humans.
        1. A sturdy handshake at Ms. Lamb’s door where Mr. Anderson squeezes too hard to compensate for his bowling loss.
        2. A friendly hug where Mr. Anderson hopes that whatever Ms. Lamb spilled on her dress doesn’t transfer to his shirt.
        3. A brief kiss, lips closed, eyes open, with each wondering if the other will propose a second project.
Deliverables

  1. One wilting pink carnation
  2. One stained summer dress
  3. Four blisters on heels.
  4. One bruised ego from being defeated at bowling by 100 pins.
  5. The hope of happily-ever-after balanced by the despair of nevermore with the statistically probable outcome of something in between.


Friday, July 5, 2024

Collins Writing Conference: Poem - A Star in Hiding

 Note: I'm apologize for being gone for so long. The reasons are many, but most of the reasons aren't that interesting or unique, so I won't bore you with them. It's time to get back on the horse. A while back I won free registration to the Collins Writing Conference in Rock Island, hosted by the Midwest Writing Center. Last week, I attended that conference, which among other things, consisted of 3 days workshops. There were four workshops each day, each covering a different genre (short fiction, poetry, creative nonfiction, and novel editing). I took all four. I thought I'd share some of the work I generated in the workshop here. 

This first piece was generated in the Poetry workshop: Obscured Environments with the instructor Sara Lupita Olivares. The prompt for this piece was to pick one of two pieces of art shown (or you could relate to both, but I only picked one). The poem was to focus on what we thought was the center (metaphorical more so than physical center) of the painting. We were to avoid using the word "I" until the last line (or not at all, as I did). We were to start the poem with the phrase, "It wasn't that..." and the last line with "Underneath,"

The painting I chose is "Thistles" by John Singer Sargent. An image of that is below. My eyes focused on the bright spot near the middle in the bottom third of the painting. Below the image is the poem I generated. 



 A Star in Hiding

It wasn’t that the star was dying in the thicket
It was simply hiding
Tired of the soundless ether
It tucked into the tangled bramble,
Scared not of sharp fingers or dark corners, but
Glad for the respite from the exposed scrutiny of space.
Here things blew and howled.
Here things shivered and cowered.
Here things are and were.
Underneath the thicket, this star is dying.


2026 Writing Challenge: Gotta Have It!

  Note: Well, I haven't been keeping up with my 2026 Writing Challenge, but I promise I will keep trying/writing. Last night, Write On -...