Saturday, January 4, 2025

My 2025 Music Journal - Saturday, January 4, 2025



Time: 12:49 PM

Song: Ho Hey  
Artist: The Lumineers
Mode of Consumption: Radio – Sky 95.7 FM.

Song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/0DwClY2t9YAWHBROMIgrXb?si=f490b15df20244f6

A Saturday morning in January. 

7 AM – I eat a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a banana. I take six pills. The digital numbers on the thermometer read 14 degrees outdoors. 

8 AM – Dressing. One pair of ankles socks, one pair of athletic socks, one pair of thick, heavy socks. Underwear. Long Underwear. Jeans. T-Shirt. Thermal shirt. Hooded shirt. Overalls. Boots. 

8:05 AM – Outdoors. No wind. Sun. Crisp. Begin taking down outdoor Christmas lights and decorations. 

9:30 AM – Stop to pet our dog, Millie. We are on the deck, she’s sitting near me on the patio, the sun hitting us both. Her rear end curls as I rub her down. That’s a good dog. That’s a good man. 

10:45 AM – I break a plastic stake holding a string of candy-cane lights. The bottom half is frozen in the ground. 

11:45 AM – I’m finished. Lights and decorations taken down, stored in the garden shed for next year. Except for the remaining half stake for the candy cane decoration. That’s in the ground. Will have to get that whenever there’s a thaw. I wonder if glue will hold it together. 

Noon – Jodi is finishing with the inside decorations. I sweep the kitchen and dining room floors. There’s a pile of plastic needles from our fake Christmas trees. Does that make them more real or less? The radio plays and I consider songs I hear for my journal entry. 

12:25 PM – A load of towels finish drying before we make a small lunch. We hug the warm towels before folding them and putting them away. 

12:35 PM – Eating. Salad. Ham sandwich. Cookie. 

12:49 PM – “Ho Hey” plays as my hands sink into dishwater, and I think I’ll use that song. There’s something utilitarian about it despite its pop sensibilities. 

Friday, January 3, 2025

My Music Journal 2025 - Friday, January 3, 2025

 

Friday, January 3, 2025

Time: 7:40 AM
Song: All I Wanna Do
Artist: Sheryl Crow
Mode of Consumption: MP3 – Drive to wo
rk listening to MP3s on shuffle from my phone.

Song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/3ZpQiJ78LKINrW9SQTgbXd?si=b2d84790d7944077

When this song was released in the summer of 1993, Bill Clinton was in the first year of his first term as President, and I was 11 years old. It’s strange how the young mind works, but when Sheryl Crow sang about the man at the bar at noon on a Tuesday with the name of William, who probably goes by Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy, I envisioned President Clinton.

It’s still what I think about when the song plays, and in some alternate timeline in a parallel universe, it’s entirely plausible to envision an alternate version of Bill Clinton, having forgone politics for a run at Hollywood stardom or something, day drinking in a bar in LA and trying to pick up women.

Can’t you see the dingy bar on a dusty LA street? A woman crosses the threshold, the sun behind her back, shining through her blonde locks. At the bar sits a graying forty something male in a polo shirt that billows noticeably at the stomach with a half empty brown bottle in front of him, the label peeled away in pieces and scattered on the bar top and floor.

The woman selects a stool a few feet away. Orders a drink from a sleepy bartender who waits tables at another juke joint down the street in the evenings.

“All I wanna do is have a little fun before I die,” William or Bill or Billy or Mac or Buddy says. It seems like an innocent enough statement, but she suspects his notion of fun is sexual. Too bad he is ugly, she thinks, because maybe she was hoping for some “fun,” too.

He has a hint of a southern accent, but he hides it well when sober. Another beer or two later, he reveals in a thick drawl that his middle name is Jefferson, and she’ll have to guess which historical figure that references. He lights matches, watching them burn, grinning more and more as the flames near his finger.

He does have a certain charm, she thinks, and will probably later regret it.

She orders another Bud.


Thursday, January 2, 2025

My Music Journal 2025 - January 2, 2025

 


Approximately 9 AM.
Song: Sadness As A Gift
Artist: Adrianne Lenker
Mode of consumption: Spotify playlist for 2024

Song link: https://open.spotify.com/track/1UpXhetX1s5OXTY5fRjWvu?si=16200879d5cf4e10

First day of work of the New Year. Come in, change the calendar on the door, the one where I mark each day off with a blue X as they pass. Marking time. I’ve done the same thing since late 2015.

I fill in dates for work conferences on the calendar. One in Springfield in February. One in Ames in March. A trivia night on January 23. Most of them remain blank. The 2024 calendar with its bevy of notes and “Xs” is waded into the garbage can under my desk.

As I navigate through emails, I listen to a playlist of songs released in 2024 that I curated over the year. A Facebook group I started called “Playlist Pandemonium” is compiling songs this week for favorite tunes from 2024. I needed to get my choices in.

The fifty-seventh and final song on the list is “Sadness As A Gift,” by Adrianne Lenker. I didn’t remember adding this song, and I do not know anything about the artist, but the title catches my attention.

Our 2024 began with us stinging from the death of Jodi’s father, Lee, in late November. When I met with a friend early in 2024, I described our existence as “putting one foot in front of another living.”

Sadness is a sapping emotion, absorbing motivation, inspiration, hope, draining the colors of life sometimes for a second, others a minute, maybe an hour here, or an afternoon there. Who could forget the entire black-and-white dreary February days?

A few days before Christmas, one of our horses, a 26-year-old quarter horse named C.J. with brown fur, and a light-brown mane and tail, laid down in our back shed. Did you know horses are on their feet about 23 hours a day?  They lock their legs while standing and do most of their sleeping that way. They usually only spend a few minutes on the ground at a time.
C.J. had battled several nagging health issues, including issues with her back legs. We found her about 11 AM and worked for three hours trying to coax her back to her feet, but to no avail. The vet was called, and the decision was made. The horse lifted its head toward me, her eyes met mine and her mouth formed a goofy, toothy grin, the sort of look that seemed to hide a good joke.

It’s hard to consider sadness a gift.

But that look from that horse was a gift. As heartbreaking as it was, it made me smile. And that’s the gift. Sadness drains everything out, but when joy and beauty and hope reappear, they flood back all the richer, saturating our cells thoroughly, just like when we were kids, and every feeling was new.


My Music Journal 2025 - January 1, 2025

 


For 2025, I will be journaling a song a day that I hear. The plan is to not plan on what these songs will be, just tunes I encounter through living that provoke some sort of thought, emotion, whatever to make it worth noting.

Wednesday, January 1, 2025 – Approximately 6 p.m.

https://open.spotify.com/track/43G3McVkRa8V7oGQzfQuRr?si=a73f343a120d46e7

Song: Let’s Go
Artist: The Cars
Mode of consumption: Vinyl LP first song on album Candy-O

Jodi sits down to our dining room table as this song hits its chorus, “I like the nightlife, baby. She says.”

I joke that Jodi resembles this song.

“Oh yeah, I’m all about the nightlife.”

We’ve been married since 2008, we’re in our forties, and we’ve known each other since the beginning of time. At least since the beginning of time as far as two children of the 80s are concerned. We’ve probably had similar conversations concerning lyrics from a hundred other songs over the years. We’re not “nightlife” people. Me, not since leaving the newspaper industry over nine years earlier, and her, never.

The album cover features an orange-haired woman in a translucent black leotard and black high heels sprawled across the hood of a line-art image of a car. It’s provocative, and among album art and popular music enthusiasts, considered iconic.

The album comes from a lot I bought in the summer of 2024. We are screening albums regularly to decide what to keep and what to resell. We have a couple other Cars albums, and while this one is solid, our decision comes down to whether we like the album art enough to make it a keeper. I don’t know if that makes us snobbish or shallow, but I have somewhere around 500 albums in my current collection and storage space is a plausible concern.

“Maybe this will be the album that’s worth a million,” Jodi says later.

“It might get to the point where they all add up to the million,” I answer, putting the album in the for-sale pile.

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Write On Prompt - We Don't Start Until 9

 




Note: We've been studying and discussing personal essays the last couple months at Write On. Last night we had our first Writing Workout session, where we each spent some time on first drafts of essays. I have always wanted to do an essay or maybe even a book on the different work environments I've experienced. I want to ground these experiences in the history of the business or industry, as way to expand the relevance. This is a start of a segmented essay about my time spent at a local factory. 


Illinois Route 2 runs north to south hugging the Rock River in central northern Illinois from its origin in Sterling then running northeast to Dixon and Oregon and Byron to Rockford before shooting straight north to the Wisconsin border. Between Sterling and Dixon is a four-lane, 12-mile stretch, featuring a golf course, crop land, a community college, a trailer park, and a smattering of houses and subdivisions. I meet this stretch each morning just south of Dixon at the crest of hill where the speed limit descends from 65 to 40 and finally 30 within city limits.

One morning recently, while on the way to my current gig in my orange Jeep Renegade with some rock and roll song blaring, the mangled remains of a deer appeared in the median, likely struck the previous night by some vehicle still cruising near the high end of the speed limits. There were probably excited calls made by the driver, to family, maybe to the police, or a wrecker, to their insurance agent. Maybe the car was drivable. Maybe not. Life for that person was temporarily complicated.

Life for that deer was smacked from its body. Its limbs were strewn like the discarded toys of some toddler atop a torso twisted like a broken slinky. Its blood splattered, turning the blacktop into some sort of bleak tapestry.

And I thought of two deer from almost twenty years earlier. A doe and her fawn, wandering across the back of the parking lot at National Manufacturing at one in the morning. Their sleek bodies propped on those twig legs. The mother leading, her head swiveling back every few moments to make sure her offspring was following close enough.

I was on break – from college for the summer and from work as part of the third shift replenishing crew for the shipping department of the hardware manufacturer. There were five or six of us on the crew, including my best friend, Jake. We were sitting on the tailgates of our pickup trucks, like a country song, eating snacks and maybe mumbling about things that no longer matter.

I was nineteen, filled with angst and hormones and caffeine, watching the most basic of instincts enacted across the lot. Animals moving under the orange glare of parking lot lights, when most humans were asleep. Searching for food, for water, for shelter. A mother watching over her child. A child tethered to its parent, grasping tightly while reaching away. I don’t remember anything else that was running between my ears. I just knew I’d remember that moment. A man at rest watching the natural movements of nature.

After passing the destroyed body of the deer twenty years later, I wondered if that animal was a descendant of those two. It’s not even 10 miles as the crow flies from National parking lot along Route 30 east of Rock Falls to that place on Route 2 south of Dixon. Certainly, deer herds travel that far, and they are territorial enough, that it’s possible that the deer which met such a violent end shared a strand or two of DNA with the two from that serene memory of mine.

It’s a twenty-plus year gap between these episodes of creation and destruction. Twenty years and half of a lifetime.

***

National Manufacturing was born in October of 1901, when three men bought a two-story wagon factory in Sterling. By the end of the month they had named their business, one that would remain in the area known as the Sauk Valley for 110 years.

In 1901, the United States was comprised of about 76 million people, and the world’s population was 1.6 billion. The country was reeling from the assassination of President William McKinley in September. He was the third president killed in office since the end of the Civil War, and with his death, the secret service was born and Teddy Roosevelt assumed power.

Workers across the country were fighting for better pay. Women wanted to vote. And nobody knew that in the forty years to follow there would be two world wars sandwiched around a crippling economic depression.

***

I wasn’t even a week out of high school when I shuffled bleary-eyed at 6 AM for my first shift as part of the 100th anniversary paint crew in the Summer of 2000. I likely wore jeans, some T-shirt, and a pair of steel-toed work boots.

Jake’s mom worked in the accounting department at National, and that’s how we landed the gig, which paid pretty well for a couple of eighteen-year-old kids. Never hurts to know someone. It’s probably why we were also assigned together to paint the waste treatment tanks first at the Sterling plant and then the Rock Falls plant. Sterling and Rock Falls are twin cities separated by the Rock River and during the 1900s became one of the major steel producers in the country. That’s over now, of course, gone the way of two-story wagon factories, thriving family-owned businesses, and William McKinley.

The waste treatment plant in Sterling was separated from the production plant by a row of parking and a lane to get in and out. The treatment plant was located along a river.

We clocked in just inside the production plant and met our first supervisor there. His name was Chris, a middle-aged man who carried a Chicago Tribune under his arm and a frown on his face. He led us toward the treatment plant, stopping at a bench just outside of the building where two men were sitting. The interaction was brief, and I can’t picture what either man looked like, but I remember what happened.

One man stood up, dangling something from his hand. A snack maybe. Or perhaps a cigarette, and he introduced the man next to him in this way.

“This is the resident fag,” he said. Then he threw whatever was in his hand several feet away, and told the man to go get it. The other man did, his shoulders slumped as he slinked toward it like a trained dog. “Just look at him.”

Chris rolled his eyes, and we kept moving.

The waste treatment building was a metal shed with huge green tanks with metal stairs and cat walks running between them. Chris continued past them, between two tanks on the ground level that led to his office, which consisted of a desk with a light and a window that looked over the river. He dropped into his seat, handing each of us a section of the newspaper.

“We don’t do anything out here until after 9.”

Within ten minutes, we witnessed pretty much everything we were told not to do by Human Resources at our orientation.

 


 


Wednesday, October 2, 2024

Write On Prompt: The Old Church Piano

 


Note: Last night at Write On, we read a story from the point of view of a scarecrow. After our discussion, we had free writing time where we each accepted the challenge of writing from the perspective of something not human. This is pretty rough, but an interesting idea.

 

 My creator was named Frederick. He had thick, stubby fingers, a mustache and soft brown eyes I think were carved from the same tree as much of my body.

He pieced me together with glue and finishing nails, gently placed my soundboard, tightened the strings, and aligned the ivory keys. He hummed while he worked, the sort of German hymns preferred by Martin Luther, using his voice to tune my heart. I loved him so.

I suppose he was my father and mother, things I wouldn't have understood at the time. He was my creator, and I was just his creation.

I remember little else about him.

***

I was loaded on a truck, cast away from creator after all my keys were place, all my strings tuned, all the little felt hammers ready to strike so that I could sing.

Wrapped in bedding and towels and a huge tarp, every bump hurt me, altered me.

It was dark for a long time.

***

Then there was a ship and water, and there were rats on the boat. One lived briefly under my feet. It's tiny heartbeat reverberating in the grains of wood of my body.

If I could play myself, such a tune would that have inspired.

***

Back on a truck. More hurting.

***

Home became a small room off a Lutheran sanctuary in some little town in Illinois. The floors were cold, the ceilings high, and occasionally a little mouse would tap across my keys at night.

Ms. Joy Parnuckle played me then. Her arthritic fingers unevenly pressing my keys, the hammers falling at imprecise times, my tune garbled, yet the children sang along. There round faces beaming at Ms. Parnuckle, mouths open, tongues clicking, their voices fluttering about the pitch and tone intended.

It wasn't the best playing of my life, but it was joyful.

***

Sometimes young Howard Edgecliffe would sneak into my home. Sit at the bench before me and something exhilarating followed. His long fingers with soft pads would glide across me, knowing just where and when to strike.

Oh, the sound. He played without music, sometimes I think he played without knowing what song would come out. Music flowed through him like sun rays through a stained-glass window, casting brilliant shades of color in every direction.

I wanted to tell him about the mouse on the ship because I knew he would understand. I knew he would play the sound of life in that little heartbeat.

***

Howard grew older, moved away for a time, and when he returned, he was changed. A scar ruined one side of his face, and his hands. Oh, his hands. They shook violently, so much so, that my strings vibrated when he came near.

But he never played me again. Never even touched me.

***

Ms. Parnuckle gave way to Helen Lampkin, a nervous young girl, who played adequately but with no real emotion. Even so, she gave lessons twice a week to unruly children, who pounded my keys and would carve their initials into my body whenever she left the room.

Those carvings still burn. They almost burn as much as losing Howard.

***

Helen Lampkin was there a long time, growing from a nervous young girl to a strained woman with a burly husband and half-witted children. Fewer children took lessons. Fewer children came to the church on Sundays.

***

After Helen, there was a procession of young mothers. None of them played. Instead, they set a plastic tape player atop me, pushed a button, and mechanical hymns sounded out. The children's voices repeated, their voices sounding like machines, too.

My strings sagged, my keys yellowed, and a chill settled in my body.

***

No one comes in my little room anymore. My keys are covered. My body is chipped and dried. There’s ancient bubblegum decaying on my backside. The old men snicker about firewood when they see me.

I wonder what my creator would think if he saw me now.

Friday, August 23, 2024

Collins Writing Conference: Poem - That Baby Crying...

 


Note: This is another poem that I generated during Collins Writing Conference poetry workshop. The prompt was to write a five-line poem where each line could be a separate poem. The five lines also should represent the world, or your world, or both. So, of course, I included a musical reference. The rest was just stuff that came off the top of my head. 

This is what I wrote in class. 

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the tree heard its friend fall.
When was the last time I did something for the first time?
Paul Simon sang about the moon rising over an empty field.
It is quiet here.

Since then, I have added three more stanzas found below. 

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the wind has no answers.
When was the first time I did something for the last time?
Neil Young sang give me things that don’t get lost.
It is loud here.

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the sun doesn’t care to rise.
How many more times will I have to do this?
James Taylor sang about sunny days that he thought would never end. 
It is hot here.

That baby crying will never stop.
Perhaps the bird sings for no one.
How much time do I have left?
Bob Dylan sang behind every beautiful thing there’s some kind of pain.
It is cold here.


2026 Writing Challenge: Gotta Have It!

  Note: Well, I haven't been keeping up with my 2026 Writing Challenge, but I promise I will keep trying/writing. Last night, Write On -...